So it’s 2011, a new year. Well, WHOOPEE. Let’s be honest, what that means is that you’re fatter, older, depressed and evidently so bored that you’ve resorted to reading these pointless witterings that purportedly showcase the latest film trailers on the STV site. Let’s face it dear reader, you’re in one hell of a rut, and you’ve got no-one else to blame other than yourself. Congratulations.
But wait a minute, here’s Seth Rogen here to serve as an inspiration for you! If the formerly pudgy stoner layabout can somehow shape up to become a bona fide action star in The Green Hornet, as he appears to have done by the looks of this trailer, then the world’s your oyster! Nothing is impossible, you’ll be flying to the moon come year end! Much as the trend for markedly more gritty superhero movies has been warmly welcomed, it’ll be a nice change if director Michel Gondry has managed to fashion a tale that is a bit more fun and accessible while incorporating some of his ingenious visual flair (which seems to at the very least have been put to good use in Kato’s dazzling slowmo fight scenes). (Release date: January 14 2011)
I’m only featuring Justin Bieber: Never Say Never here in a vain bid to get some hits courtesy of the teeny weeny pop star’s ludicrously rabid fan base. I’d half thought about just having ‘Justin Bieber naked sex scandal’ as the headline, then copying one of the latest sordid plots from Emmerdale or Coronation Street for the article text, before replacing one of the character’s names with that of the pint-sized chart-humping, chipmunk-faced phenomenon. Morally reprehensible? Perhaps, but it’d still pale in comparison to being directly responsible for any of the so-called music featured in this trailer: until Bieber takes a blood test live on The Jeremy Kyle Show I’m refusing to let go of my ardent belief that he is the son of Satan himself. Think about it, people... (Release date: April 1 2011)
After the bracing Taken Liam Neeson has suddenly become the thinking man’s action star, or the action man’s thinking star, or... Well, I can’t quite remember, but I asked some ladies and he’s definitely a hot piece of Irish crumpet. Anyway, Unknown seems to glory in twists and turns and mysterious goings-on, this hokum hopefully straddling plenty of punching and jumping and running about and other such tomfoolery. Who Neeson’s character, and is he who he believes he is, the screenwriter desperately wants us to ask. However, something tells me no-one will really give a toss as long as loads of big things blow up by the finale. Yep, 2011 is going to be a year of progress alright. (Release date: February 25 2011)
Blue Valentine stars eminently watchable and hugely talented pair Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams as a couple using one night to try and save their marriage. Even if that involved them staying up to watch a box-set of Noel's House Party I’d probably still be hooked. Not to worry, though: given that there’s been a swirl of Oscar talk and quite a bit of controversy over its rating on the other side of the Atlantic, rest assured we can expect something complex and enriching, certainly enough so to make up for a lack of Mr Blobby. (Release date: January 14 2011)
And on to more gloomy relationship troubles in Rabbit Hole, which tells the story of a married couple (Aaron Eckhart and Nicole Kidman) who are struggling to return to their everyday existence several months after the loss of their child. Hmm, perhaps not the cheeriest of views for anyone looking to extinguish the January blues. However, this seems a potentially fascinating examination of the nature of grief courtesy of director John Cameron Mitchell, who debuted in 2001 with the riotous self-penned musical Hedwig and the Angry Inch, before following that up with the, uh, diverting sex comedy Shortbus. That’s some amount of range to span within the space of three feature films, oh yes it is! (Release date: February 4 2011)
Finally, we have Sanctum, which comes from executive producer James Cameron; for that reason it’s in glorious 3D and has a gut-load of glorious underwater scenes. Plot-wise it looks more reminiscent of a trashy TV movie, but hopefully it’ll be fun and make do for Cameron fanboys, at least until the next Avatar movies force their way into the cinema to make glorious CGI-enhanced love to your eyeballs. (Release date: August 12 2011)
You can find all the delightful trailers for the latest movies, including these and more, in our film trailers section.
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